My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
