in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
handjob tips. give me some.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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