Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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