When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
