Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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