tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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