but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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