I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
