So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
