drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
