i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
