Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He better not be in your backpack
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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