I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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