I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
