It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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