Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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