Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
