My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
