Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
