He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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