I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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