how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Blood and glitter go together right?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
