We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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