someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
