I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
