mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
