we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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