oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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