I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
