Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
