My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
