I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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