Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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