I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
