Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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