Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
