i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Sext me about skeletons
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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