Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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