I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
