can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
