He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
