It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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