The maid of honor just puked.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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