i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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