You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
