i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just want to make out with him forever
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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