my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
