I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
