saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
