You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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