This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
