Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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