I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
