Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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