Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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