you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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