Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
