I think im going to throw up on grandma
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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