Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
