Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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