In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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