2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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