I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
