i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
