just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
