She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
