The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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