so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
