Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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