I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
