Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
no you cant smoke seaweed
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
