so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
