Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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