I can text with my tongue
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
