ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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