I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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